Wow. Hey, it’s been awhile since I crawled my ass up out of Hades; ‘some folks call it Hell, I call it Hades’, to bless you with my presence. And yes, you just read that in your head in Karl Childers voice. Anyway, after receiving this news via the interwebs of hell (we still have dial up down there), I just had to jump in the elevator and make the trip up here and talk very briefly about this news and then return to torture more heathen souls. So…let’s get to it.
Slipknot. A band that has been falsely representing their love for me and their hatred for their mommies and daddies for something like 17 years or so. Finally after 17 years, they are finally…FINALLY releasing a best of album. I thought I would never see this day. Why? Honestly, because who the heaven buys best of albums when you little bastards just download complete discographies and then make your own playlists of your own favorite songs. Why would anyone want their favorite shit-stain band pick what songs they want to hear? The only band that is allowed to do that is Iron Maiden. Let’s not mention what a great name they thought up for the album. Antennas To Hell? First of all, this is Hell we’re talking about here. We only broadcast on the Dish Network from down there; it is Hell after all. Second of all, even if we did broadcast out on local networking, you would need a digital converter in order to see our programming, which is pretty much the Golf Network 24 hours a day on every channel. I think a better album title would have been “Slipknot – Still Angry, Still Ugly”.
So, Slip-not is releasing a best of album to go along with their Balloon-Knot fest. What now? How do they top that? As I leave this frigid, concrete covered flesh farm that you people call home, before reaching your final destination where the magma flows and the screams of the sinners can be perpetually heard, I have but one more question. Who gives a fuck?
See you on the flipside,